im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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