i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
