If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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