Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
