your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
