U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
