This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
