im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
