Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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