sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
