The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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