12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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