i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
