If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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