I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
