There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
