why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
