i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
please come you make the beer taste better
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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