I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
