Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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