She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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