You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
