I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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