He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
