We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
