i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
