i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ok first of all what the fuck
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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