Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
