i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
