this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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