i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
