the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
