hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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