you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
