he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
