So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
