We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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