who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
