I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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