omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
