just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Randomize
