Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
