Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
