I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
