census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What a dumb baby whore.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
