the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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