You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
