Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
