I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
