meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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