The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
