The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
