hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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