so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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