Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
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I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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