I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hippo gnu deer
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
