All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
