ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize