how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
