I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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