ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
