She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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