he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
