I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
