I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize