Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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