Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
