Screwed.edu
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
