all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
