and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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