you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
