can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
