Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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