I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
