The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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