I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
