u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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