I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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