My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
