I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
