Got a toothbrush?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
